Emailing Bad: To’hajiilee

10 September 2013

Written by: Liam Quinn

Over the course of the next eight weeks, upstart’s resident would-be meth cooks will be casting an eye over the final episodes of Breaking Bad. Rather than just cooking up another straightforward recap, they’ll give a blow-by-blow account of events while watching each 45-minute block – while trying to stay calm.



Liam Quinn: Paddy, we’re halfway home in the final season. That fact leaves me riddled with happiness, sadness and sheer terror for what’s to come. I’m not sure how much more I can take…

Paddy Naughtin: We’ve been talking about it all week, but there has to be some serious stuff happen in this episode.

LQ: Have barely talked about anything else. Tony who?

But, back to business. First point being, these Nazi don’t cook the blue like Mr. White.

PN: No, apparently they’re fine with it being aqua-marine.

Todd is such a nice guy, isn’t he? I mean apart from the whole killing kids things. Look at how he’s trying to make it up to Lydia.

LQ: Ironic they talk about adding things to it at the end, similar to the way Jesse used to add chili powder as his specialty.

Also, this is such a weird dynamic with Lydia. Is she the new Gus? She sure as hell isn’t the damsel in distress she appeared earlier this season. Oh, and Todd killed a guy in Friday Night Lights – but it was for good reason. Team Todd.

PN: Is it just me, or is there some weird sexual tension between Todd and Lydia?

LQ: It’s the glances in make-up mirrors (I know there’s probably a name for those, but hey…)

Confirmation Walt’s hit is for Jesse; Paddy, it’s going to happen!

PN: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. This is going to be a cracking episode.

Geez, Hank, try and be more shady – secret meetings under overpasses.

LQ: Hank and Gomez are making the same mistake everyone seems to have this entire series – underestimating Jesse. The money tie to Walt is massive, it’s the biggest piece of evidence.

PN: He’s a clever boy, our Jesse.

Oh hai, Huell!

LQ: I’m a big fan of the increased Huell ratio these past four episodes. He’s great.

Hank’s really not holding back anymore, he’s throwing all sorts of lies around just to get to Walt. Manic.

PN: Huell held firm for a while, but that picture of Jesse with brains scattered all around him sure did the trick. Now he won’t stop telling Hank and Gomez everything he knows.

LQ: “Seven barrels worth, yanno?”

PN: Poor Huell. Everyone uses him.

“How angry is he? Hulk angry? Rambo angry? Badass individual?”

I like Todd’s little shake of the head to his uncle, letting him know not to joke around with Walt.

LQ: Aaaaand there’s how we get sitting in a Denny’s diner, elephant gun in the back of a car with New Hampshire plates. Walt needs the Nazi’s; the Nazi’s need Heisenberg.

This is not going to end well, Paddy.

PN: Walt is sinking to new lows, using Andrea and Brock as bait. That’s not cool.

LQ: “New lows”? Paddy, he did poison Brock to manipulate Jesse. But, yes, agree. He’s hideously monstrous at this stage. The way he lingered around Brock was very unnerving. Brock seemed somewhat scared of him.

PN: You know what I mean. Nothing will stop Walt from getting what he wants.

Gomez was very quick to give up there. “Well there you go, game over.”

That’s not very cop-like.

How funny is Walt Jr’s face when he sees Saul? I imagine a car wash in the middle of nowhere doesn’t get many celebrities coming through.

LQ: Part of me thinks Gomez doesn’t want to go about it this way; he threatened to stop Hank if things get ugly.

Ah, Saul. In an incredibly tense moment, he comes through with “don’t drink and drive, but if you do, call me.” Perfection.

PN: “The kid is not as dumb as you think.” Saul is the only one to understand Jesse’s methods.

LQ: He’s also strangely cool with Walt plotting to have Jesse killed.

Oh man, Paddy. It’s on. IT IS ON.

The terror on Walt’s face as he ran out the door…

PN: When Jesse told Walt he was going to hit him where he really lives turns out he meant Walt’s money.

LQ: Was that the first time Jesse has called him “Walt”?

Hearing Walt try and rationally explain poising Brock just enough so it didn’t kill him, I couldn’t help but think he probably had it figured out.

However, I don’t think Jesse is buying it.

PN: Jesse’s voice on the other end of the phone is crazy cool. I can’t of the words to describe it, but it’s giving me chills.

LQ: Amazing work by Aaron Paul – but we seem to say that every week.

PN: Wait… oh wow. I bet they’re tracing the call! Oh my god. This is nuts!

LQ: Walt’s just figured that out.

Hank’s going to appear over the horizon any second now…

PN: …and there he is.

Walt’s about to be caught red-handed. I feel like for Walt to get out of this, Hank is going to have to die. I feel a shootout coming on.

LQ: Clairvoyant Paddy. The Nazi’s are coming. The Nazi’s are coming. I feel like a 1930s Parisian…

PN: Wow, that’s a big gun. Those Nazis have some serious weaponry.

LQ: Incredible. I thought Walt was going to go through with it. He surely can’t talk/shoot his way out of this spot alone.

I think they’ll come regardless of Walt calling it off – it’s the only way out. And, we know they desperately need Heisenberg to cook.

PN: How good was that zoom in when Hank first spots Walt. It looks like Walt’s resigning himself to his fate.

This is so tense.

LQ: All these tight headshots…I keep expecting a bullet to shatter through at any moment.

Paddy, I’m shaking.

PN: I bet Hank is loving this. There’s definitely some extra malice in his voice when he’s shouting directions at Walt.

LQ: The story about the BBQ grill – he loves this. There was the slightest grin on his face as he beckoned Walt backwards towards the handcuffs.

It looks like Hank has won – but we all know he can’t at this point. Something has to happen; something big.

PN: It’s kind of nice that this is the place where Walt and Jesse first started cooking. Now this is the place where it ends.

At least the beginning of the end anyway.

LQ: Oh s**t, Paddy. They’re here.

Look at Walt, desperately shouting out to try and save Hank.

I think it’s too late for that. Just when Hank thought he’d won – and even began to gloat a little – it’s all going to get snatched away again.

PN: I don’t know how I feel about this.

LQ: I can’t watch, but I can’t look away.


PN: I can’t even type.

Hopefully Jesse can escape.

LQ: Walt desperately screaming “no, it’s off”, is pointless at this stage. I don’t think even he realises what he’s unleashed here.

PN: Oh man, the Nazi’s start firing. Bullets are flying everywhere.

Hank and Gomez are thoroughly outgunned here. This does not look good for them.

LQ: Paddy, I’m still trying to get my head around this.


It can’t end there!

LQ: Gilligan, you bastard.

PN: I’m just sitting here staring at a blank screen.

What just happened?

LQ: We’re in sight of the finishing line, Paddy.

Welcome to the end-game.

Liam Quinn is a third-year Bachelor of Journalism student at La Trobe University, and the politics editor of upstart. You can follow him on Twitter: @Quinn_LP

Paddy Naughtin is a third-year Bachelor of Journalism student at La Trobe University, and the sports editor of upstart. You can follow him on Twitter: @PaddyNaughtin

Photo: Twitter – AMCBreakingBad