There is nothing pleasant about bullying. Reach Out defines bullying as, ‘when people repeatedly and intentionally use words against someone or a group of people to cause distress and risk to their well-being.’ It leaves people with feelings of fear, isolation and decreased self worth.
Bullying is never alright nor desired by those who have experienced it, but there are some who believe that they have got through this tough time in their lives and it has made them more resilient and eager to prove that they are not the victim. They feel that it has instilled a drive in them to prove the bullies wrong and thrive in their life.
Have you ever heard it said, that bullies bully because they themselves have been bullied? There is some truth to this quote. On the Help for Kids website it is said that, ‘Bullies become bullies generally because of how insecure they are. It will seem odd, because they will make you think that you are insecure and that you have the problem.’
Some people recognise that this is the case and use their experiences with bullying to rise above those who have persecuted them. Below is an account from a Third Year student at La Trobe University who had been being bullied in high school and how this has impacted her life today.
From Year Seven until Year Nine *Isobel was bullied at school with the majority of the bullying focussed on certain girls spreading rumours, people picking on her and others because they saw them as weak or easy targets, and those bystanders who chose to believe the rumours and stay away from her.
‘It made me develop low self esteem,’ Isobel explained, ‘and I switched from being an extrovert to an introvert during this time. I also had difficulties with trusting people and got pretty depressed during Year Seven and Eight.’
As the bullying continued Isobel’s marks went down and her confidence diminished as she didn’t think her ‘opinion was worthy’.
At the time she told her teacher about the one of the incidents, a rumour which was started by one girl in particular. The teacher’s response was to ‘make us sit together and ask the girl to apologise and acknowledge that the rumour wasn’t true. This didn’t change anything though because the rest of the school recognised the rumour as being true. Even my friends were doing this. I felt pretty isolated.’
‘I tried to cope with it at the time by ignoring what was being said and done but you can only do this to a certain extent because you have to see these people every day and in the classroom you can’t escape.’
Isobel has expressed that this experience has made her more ‘aware in her every day life’, noticing how people are feeling, their reactions to things and acting accordingly.
‘By the middle of Year Nine the bullying had pretty much stopped, as people matured and went off in their own little groups. By year 10 it was finished.’
‘Although bullying was a horrible experience at the time, it instilled a drive in me to succeed and prove to the bullies that I could be successful. I wanted to have a good career, to better them because I felt like they were better than me.
‘I do feel resilient now, and don’t let things affect me as much. I feel more successful than them; I go to university and have good job prospects. I’m looking forward to the 10 year reunion.’
Even celebrities like Taylor Swift have touched on these issues of not letting the bullies have the power and using this experience to push them to succeed and find their own self-worth. When asked about the song Mean in an interview with Dose.ca Swift mentioned that there are different types of critics in life; ‘constructive critics’ and ‘professional critics’ but sometimes, ‘it crosses a line and becomes mean, that’s when it really becomes painful and this was somebody who was consistently writing things that would just shatter my day.’
Furthermore, studies have also shown that while bullying can cause damage to a person at the time, ‘about 60% answered that “it is now completely a thing of the past” regardless of whether they had been victims, perpetrators or bystanders. The remaining 40%, however, indicate that they “sometimes recall the experience.”‘ Sixty per cent of people interviewed for the study further state that the experience, if nothing else, taught them to ‘consider others’ feelings’.
Bullying, although it is never acceptable nor necessary, it is not the be all and end all. In making the best of a bad situation the memory of these occurrences can be enough to make someone say to themself ‘never again’ and continue to strive for a better and more empowered life.
*Name has been changed
Madeleine McCarty is in her final-year of a Bachelor of Arts with a Major in Media Studies at La Trobe University. She is 1/10th of the upstart editorial team for 2012. You can follow her on Twitter @MadeleineKMcC.
