The art of choosing a share-house to live in or choosing a housemate to move in with you is very important, especially if you want to avoid disaster – and disastrous it can be! So here are some tips to weed out the weirdos.
The share-house advertisement
When looking at or even advertising a spare room in a house there are many things to take into account. Ignoring the obvious such as location, rent and utilities one must look carefully at the wording of the ad; some words have more than one meaning. The following words act as example:
Cosy: the broom cupboard is up for rent
Open-minded: be prepared for the following possibilities; gay or lesbian, frequent drug use which may or may not actually be the house’s main source of income, new age spiritualists or a house where clothing is optional.
Laid-back: the phrase ‘it’s usually tidier’ means nothing. Prepare to move into a dump. Those pizza boxes will remain where they are – next to the guy sleeping on the brown stain in the corner, who is also a permanent fixture in the house. ‘Laid-back’ may also mean that this is a party house and they won’t want anyone whinging about the noise.
Bubbly: may want to bond over Justin Bieber or with a glass of Moscato. Has a tendency to scream and hug you despite having seen you that morning.
The interview
The interview process is a tiring, tedious and awkward experience for most people, whether as the interviewer or interviewee. The monotonous repetition of ‘…and this is the bathroom, this is the kitchen and this is the room available…’ can get boring so have some fun with it.
Some friends of mine decided to do all their house interviews on acid in order to make it more interesting. This kind of fun is not advisable however, as walking through the door to see someone stroking the couch and calling it ‘my pretty’ or growling ‘I smell man flesh’ from behind the couch can turn off most would be housemates in seconds. Try instead something more wholesome.
Another friend decided to get all potential housemates to draw a picture of a pig and used the pictures to psychoanalyse the interviewees after they had left – it also a great ice breaker.
Here are some tips for both interviewee and interviewer on different categories of people to be aware of and how to pick them:
The Naturalist: this can be a great housemate; they will look after the garden and often grow delicious fruit and vegies that you can then indulge in. They will also sort out the recycling and compost. However, be aware of the radical naturalist. Their habits include but are not limited to:
- Lectures on proper recycling etiquette and technique.
- Bringing nature inside – a friend went to a house interview during which they introduced her to George; the kitchen funnel web spider. George was a member of the household and was to be treated as such.
- Throw out your fruit and vegies because they weren’t grown organically or with the correct fertilizer. They will ask questions about the garden, how often you garden, if you grow your own vegetables, what your thoughts on compost are, how you feel about recycling, animals and the feelings of plants.
The Spiritualist: never advisable unless you’re into that yourself. Constant discussions about star alignment, auras, healing crystals and chakra can become draining. A housemate having loud tantric sex can also be socially embarrassing and communal showers can create more awkwardness than bonding. They will mention the ‘feel’ of the house and the ‘feeling’ they get from you. They will ask about maybe moving the furniture for better energy flow and may test out spots in the house suitable for Tibetan chanting rituals. They may also suggest days of spiritual bonding (clothing optional) and lentil and bean diets.
The Stoner: again, not advisable especially if you are not into that. Stoners have the bad habit of leaving smelly bongs and drug paraphernalia around the living room, kitchen, bathroom, your room and their room. There are always signs of munchie indulgence in or around the couch and cleaning ‘will ruin my high, man’. They will appear zoned out.
The Clean Freak: share housing is all about compromising and sometimes the clean freak will not understand this. The lid must always be on the toothpaste, all rooms must at all times be clean and orderly, dishes must be done immediately and stacked in order of size, there must be a full house clean once a week, a roster for everyone to follow and house meetings to discuss the cleanliness of the house and tips for improvement. They will typically be completely focused on the cleanliness of the house and inspect everything with the critical eye of a boarding school matron. They will enquire about cleaning schedules and rosters and may have long boring discussions on the best product for cleaning a bathtub.
The interview is all about trying to get a snapshot of a person in a short period of time, which can be a difficult task at the best of times. Remember, in an interview people usually fudge the facts a bit to make themselves look better so don’t take everything you’re told as the gospel truth. Here are some of the things I do during the share house interview as either interviewer or interviewee.
– Visualise: Can you picture chilling out with them on the couch? Catching up over a glass of wine in the kitchen? Hanging out alone in the house with them?
– Find the focus: What was the focus of their conversation? Was it cleanliness? Your opinion of parties during the week? Did they eye off your collection of vintage Star Wars figurines? Run a finger over the bookcase in the living room? Look longingly at the kitchen knives?
– Money honey: Do they have a job? Are they ‘between’ jobs but with ‘prospects’? Did they ask if they can pay the bond ‘a little bit later’?
Vivien Durant is a Master Of Global Communications student at La Trobe University and is one of upstart’s staff writers. You can follow her on Twitter: @VivienDurant
If you have any interesting share house interview experiences please feel free to share them in the comments section or write to us at contact@upstart.net.au
