Go shopping
Grand Final day is perfect for a shopping outing since most shopping centres look like they’re Ground Zero in an outbreak of swine flu. The best place to shop are car yards and Bunnings, though good luck finding a sales assistant or getting them to serve you. Their eyes will be glued to the telly.

Go to the cinema
You’ll have your pick of the best seats in the house. If you have young children — even better. Take them along with you. They can run and shout in the cinema and there won’t be anyone to complain.

Have a Pride and Prejudice marathon
If you can comandeer a television to yourself, have a Pride and Prejudice (the BBC version naturellement) marathon. You can spend the afternoon watching slow-motion replays of Colin Firth emerging from the pond at Pemberley.

Organise a Linux installfest
Don’t know what a Linux installfest is? Then you’re not a computer geek and needn’t worry.

If you are a geek, choose your favourite Linux distro and get busy.

Go Skiing
The snow’s been crap this year, but if the forecast’s right we could have the dump of the year during the game, with up to 40c m forecast, and the white stuff falling as low as 900 metres.

Write university assignments
This idea isn’t as silly as it sounds. But we have to admit, it’s pretty silly.

If you must watch it
If you are housebound and are forced to watch the Grand Final, make it more fun by playing AFL Cliche Bingo. Draw up cards with the most hackneyed AFL phrases. Choose from such classics as ‘A week’s a long time in footy’, ‘splits the middle’, ‘he’ll feel that tomorrow’, ‘that can’t be good for football’, and ‘…get over the line’. Each time you hear a commentator/coach/player say one of them, cross it off. When they’re all crossed off, yell ‘BINGO!’